One of those days

Mood: unwilling & down
Listening to: REM – Bad Day
Current obsession: nothing to be worked out

Please don´t take a picture… it´s been a bad day.

Since it´s one of „those“ days of mine and I feel kinda abandoned at the moment I decided to write another entry before I go to bed…
Really, I hate myself when I´m having one of „those“ days…those days when I feel all miserable, alone and unwilling to do to anything. Without any visable reason (okay, I could name some reasons, but normally I can get along very well with those…). That makes it very hard for me to focus on a cure…which leads to further depression. *lol* I don´t know what´s wrong today… I woke up and the first thought I had was a staggering one. I spent the whole afternoon in bed and even the lecture of a very good book (‚A dirty Job‘ by Chistopher Moore, I will be writing about that in my next entry) could not distract me from feeling as grey and dreary as the sky. I could have done a dozen of things to amuse me, but I just didn´t feel like doing anything (this includes learning for my Latin exam on thursday). And I really don´t feel any better by writing that down, because I KNOW it´s totally stupid. But yet… what else is my blog for if I´m not allowed to ponder about even stupid things?
I´m not quite sure about these mood swings of mine lately. Maybe it´s the lack of social contacts I have that drives me crazy at the moment? It can´t be the stress, because I have more time to to the things I´d like to as ever…but sometimes (like today) I have the feeling that exactly that is totally senseless. When I draw a picture and show it to someone it´s a short „well done“ and everything´s forgotten. When I create webpages/layouts/PC-thingies they get a bit of attention for one moment and then are ignored as well. If I play a video game I can enjoy small success and joys for a moment and then switch it out, so something else and forget about it. Either I´m over-sensitive about the inconstant way the world goes or I´ve developed to a extreme attention/activity freak. Both of it is shit and it scares the hell out of me sometimes. I clearly know what my father would say if he knew about my absurd feelings: „Get out of here, get yourself some new friends and don´t come home until you´re so tired that you can´t even walk anymore, for hell´s sake!!“ XD Maybe I should do so after my a-levels…get myself a new hobby or something. I mean, I still do the same things I already did… years and years ago. Things I cling to and things I do out of habit. But old patterns are changing and I can´t sit in room and drawing, creating senseless things and try to keep always the same habits, persons and hobbies.
Well, as for I did not know what exactly to write when I started this entry, I came pretty far in my chain of thoughts. o_O Doesn´t help me a bit, but I feel a bit more tidy now.
So…well… maybe I should delete this whole entry by now, just before someone could start worrying about my mental contitution or something. XD I´m fine, okay? It´s just…yeah, one of those days.

And for the sake of a more interesting and not-so-emo-ish end of this day, I´ll post some personality test results I got. ^^

This one was very interesting. It rates your tendencies to several personality disorders (german : Persönlichkeitsstörungen), just to be back to topic XDD :

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: LowSchizotypal: ModerateAntisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Take the test!
More information about the disorders

If you take some time and read through the further information about the different disorders, you will see that my result is indeed pretty interesting, first because the „high“ rated disorders do not conflict, but jar with each other, and second, some of it really makes sense. At least to me. Okay, nobody would gladly admit to be narcistic or dependent, but this test is about tendencies… and I can see some of these tendencies in my personality. Especially narcism and obsessive-compulsive personality sounds a lot like me in some way.
Anyway, a very interesting test.

Your inner voice is crying…What’s wrong with you? You’re sad inside.. But nobody really knows.. Your inner voice is quiet know, listen..
Take the test

…why is it always that kind of results today? v_V

What type of Fae are you?