Eine Schülerin hat heute meinen Namen in einem Herzchen an die Tafel gemalt (verbotenerweise |D), das find ich irgendwie total niedlich und wollte es mal zeigen. X) Der zweite Tag war auch wieder nett und ich konnte gleich meine Fels-in-der-Brandung-Fähigkeiten beweisen, indem ich eine Schülerin mit Bauchschmerzen nach Hause gebracht habe.*lol* Und dabei gleich noch ein badass Parkmanöver hingelegt habe, das mich selbst überrascht hat. Hach. Die erste Woche im Praktikum ist immer so motivierend.
Browsing Tag
school
NOSTALGIE. Volle Kanne, echt. Ich hab heute mein zweites Praktikum angefangen, diesmal als Aushilfslehrer/Mitsitzer/Bequatscher/Hilfsclown in einer Gesamtschule. Mein eigenes Abi ist…2007 gewesen, dementsprechend war es echt witzig, mal wieder voll im Schulalltag drin zu sein…diesmal auf der anderen Seite. *glitzer* Wobei diese Schule wirklich ganz anders ist als meine alte – klar, ist Hauptschule und Realschule, noch dazu betreue ich eine Klasse aus Migrantenkindern. Ein bisschen cool ist es trotzdem, mal wieder Schulluft schnuppern zu können.
Mein Stundenplan ist auch echt ganz human, wenn man das mal mit dem Archivpraktikum vergleich. Jeden Tag um halb zwei Schluss, pünktlich zum Mittagessen. 😀 Und die Arbeit ist natürlich auch ganz anders, mal gucken, wann ich zuviel kriege. |D Zumindest sind die Kollegen schonmal eigentlich alle nett und haben mir auch gleich das Du angeboten…und die Kinder kannte ich ja schon von meinem letzten Schnupper-Besuch, die sind eigentlich auch alle ganz süß. Noch. *drop2* Ich begleite die quasi in jedem Unterrichtsfach, also auch die, die eigentlich nicht mein Studiengebiet umfassen. Heute hab ich sogar ´ne Stunde Mathe mitgemacht, das war ein bisschen deprimierend, weil ich in diesem Fach auch auf 5.-Klässlerniveau noch immer endlos sucke. |DD Dezimeter, mein Freund… Auf Sportunterricht verzichte ich aber, ich will schließlich, dass die mich noch halbwegs ernst nehmen. *drop*
Als ich dann nach Hause gekommen bin, hab ich mir zur Belohnung mal wieder nach langer Zeit eine kleine Zeichensession gegönnt. Irgendwie fehlt mir in letzter Zeit jeglicher Antrieb in die Richtung, liegt wahrscheinlich auch am schlechten Gewissen, weil ich so viel anderes zu tun hätte. Hat aber ganz gut getan, mal zur Abwechselung, auch wenns nur was kleines mit schneller, schlampiger PC-Colo ist. Wenn das alles vorbei ist, brauche ich unbedingt wieder mehr Übung, PC-Colos haben mir immer so viel Spaß gemacht. <3 Naja, mal gucken…
Die Woche steht irgendwie ganz im Zeichen von Schule und Kindern. Und das, obwohl ich mich schon vor einiger Zeit gegen das Lehramtsstudium entschieden habe. Manche Dinge kommen halt immer wieder auf einen zurück, offenbar. °.°
Am Montag hatte ich eine Art Vorstellungs-/Besichtigungstermin an einer Gesamtschule in der Nähe, wegen eines Praktikumsplatzes. Diese Schule hat einen hohen Anteil an Migrantenkindern, die gezielt gefördert werden – und das nicht nur von ausgebildeten Lehrern. Das klang für mich ganz nett und ich dachte, vielleicht kann ich da ein bisschen aushelfen.
Mein erster Eindruck war…ANGST! *noes* Ich hatte ganz vergessen, was für ein ekliges Gefühl es ist, der natürlichen Verachtung von Kindern voll ausgesetzt zu sein. Sie starren einen an, lästern ganz offen und manchmal hab ich schon Panik gehabt, dass sie gleich im Rudel auf mich zukommen und mit Kaugummi bewerfen. Ist vielleicht doof, sich als Erwachsener von Halbstarken einschüchtern zu lassen (nicht, dass ich das offen gezeigt hätte), aber ich kann nicht gut damit umgehen, so abgecheckt zu werden. Und die Zwerge sehen die Schule tatsächlich als ihr persönliches Revier an, sodass ich auf dem Weg zum Klassenraum erstmal spontan von der Seite angemacht wurde:
Halbstarker (lümmelt auf einem Tisch rum wie Graf Koks persönlich): „Sind Sie Lehrerin?“
Ich: (in der Hoffnung, dass sie mich dann in Ruhe lassen) „Noch nicht. Aber bald.“
Halbstarker: (tuschelt mit seinen Kollegen, guckt mich dann wieder an) „Was woll´n Sie dann hier?!“
…eh. War son bisschen wie beim Türsteher in der Disco. Die Klasse, die ich mir dann angucken durfte, war dann aber Gott sei Dank nicht so schlimm, eigentlich waren die alle ganz süß. °w° Alles Migrantenkinder, die noch nicht richtig Deutsch sprechen. Zuerst waren sie ein bisschen schüchtern, aber als ich dann bei der Stillarbeit rumgegangen bin, um ein bisschen zu helfen, sind sie aufgetaut. Ich denke, wenn die Schule mich nehmen will, könnte das ein ganz nettes und spannendes Praktikum werden. Morgen ruf ich die Dame mal an. >.<!
Gestern dann hab ich eine Familie in der Nachbarschaft besucht, die für einen Tag in der Woche abends einen Babysitter für ihren kleinen Sohn suchten. Eigentlich kann ich mit kleinen Kindern so gar nicht, aber da der Dreikäsehoch zu der Zeit immer schon schlafen wird (*dreimal auf den Tisch klopf*), könnte das okay werden. da ich wahrscheinlich bis in den April hinein im (unbezahlten) Praktikum stecke, kann ich das kleine bisschen Extrageld gebrauchen, und abends vorm Rechner hocken tu ich zuhause auch. |D
Es scheint, als ob das Haus meiner Mutter demnächst verkauft wird…es wird also langsam Ernst. Morgen schaut sie sich eine Wohnung an, hm. Man kann wohl im Moment nichts anderes machen als abzuwarten. Ich will aber auf jeden Fall demnächst, wenn es so schön sonnig bleibt, das Haus und den Garten von oben bis unten fotografieren. Ich will mir nicht vorwerfen müssen, dass ich keine Erinnerungen an mein Elternhaus habe.
Mood: Free
Listening to: Vitamin C – Vacation
Current obsession: Photos
Come on, come on, come on,
let´s go!
We don´t need a holiday, it´s time to celebrate!
So that was my very last school day. The last lesson I had was biology, the last homework I did was an English worksheet called „common mistakes“ and the last thing I ate was a salami sandwich. Yay. XD
Fortunately, everything was not as pathetic as I had feared. Since we are supposed to meet our specialized courses´ teachers once again after the holidays (and at the a-levels) none of them gave a touching speech or something. Even though, I find myself thinking that this day was quite…strange anyway.
It began when my mother woke me up this morning and said „Hey, this is the last time I can do this while you´re still a student!“ and ended with Nicky shouting „Fuck you!!“ at the school building.
After 13 years it´s hard to realize that I won´t return to that school as a normal student. I will be there as examinee and later as a graduate (hopefully XD), but tha won´t be the same.
People are right when they say „You won´t appreciate what you have until you´re going to lose it“. Now that I come to think about it…I´ve had many bad times during the last 13 years, school annoyed me to hell, I hated the work and I shed tears and sweat…but still, it was a safe thing. A routine. A red thread through more than the half of my life. It will be hard to give all these things up and create something entirely new. But I´m positive about it. If school taught me one thing, then it is to be persistent.
But in all my euphoric mood, there will be some things I´ll be missing once it´s over…and these things are worth to be listed:
- The daily chattering with my girls. Irena, Nicky, Almke. Thanks to them I had two awesome years. One could say they saved me from my outsider status and showed me how wonderful it can be to have not only one good friend, but three of them. The only thing I regret is that we haven´t met before the 12th grade. But I think we grew together the best way a true girly gang can. <3 Thanks for your friendship.
- My Latin course. I have never been in a course that has a greater attitude towards the subject, the contents, the teachers and each other. I really liked the lessons, especially in the complete combi course. Di vos laudent – The gods may praise you!
- The library. T_T That was my favorite place in the school – always warm, calm, lots of books, great outlook. My oasis of secrecy and silence, where I could listen to some of the funniest teacher conversations (hidden behind the corner, where my regular desk was). XD
- Jörg.*lol* I still don´t believe that he is supposed to be human. I bet he must be an alien!XD I´ve never met a person that could make me laugh and annoy the hell out of me – at the same time. Good old uncle Jörg. I´ll be missing the everyday „Let´s be POSITIVE!!“ sessions.
- My drawing sessions in biology. It´s bad, I know. XD But I was always looking forward to the biology lessons in which I had the seat in the back of the classroom. Wow, you won´t believe how many pictures I was able to produce during the last two years. XD
But there are also some things that can go straight to hell with a strong „Fuck you“:
- Maths. Math exams. Math lessons. Math teachers. Math contents.
- Biology. Sports.
- Mrs. Grimmelt, my last German teacher. Thanks for the 8 points, bitch.
- The annoying, stinking, impertinent lower grade students a.k.a the brats.
- The false „Oh, we´re all best friends, Sweetie!*smooch, smooch*“ attitude among some of my fellow students. Get lost. I don´t care about you. And you don´t give a damn about me. You know it.
- The persons who spread the rumor that I was well known for skipping sports lessons…in front of the teacher. If I ever get to know who did that…cowards.*cracks with her knuckles*
- Mr. „So you´re rich and mighty? Let me kiss your ass!“ C.W. (you know whom I mean)
- the messy toilets in the basement.Eep. It lives!!
Now that was a long list.*lol* But it helps.
Oh yes, what we also did today was taking photos…lots of photos!<3<3 I´ll post the best ones here, because they are important memories as well. (Click the thumbnails for the larger image)
The four Graces…blinking against the sun. XD
I always wished for someone who carries me on their hands…*grin*
Yo, Peace!!<3 Our school´s entrance harmonises with Almi´s coat. XD
The „Positives Anonymous“ at their best!
So THAT´s what those masts in front of our school are for!!
*leaves now for the…big library* <3
Mood: OMGYAY!!
Listening to: Stratovarius – Learning to fly
Current obsession: making personality tests
Not where you stand
Nor where you are
It matters only where you look
To take the good
With all that’s bad
It is the only way to go
The last days held two different good-byes ready for me…but no sad ones. YAY!!
1.) The best message ever: No more MATHS for me in my whole LIFE !!!!!!!11reportlalülalaaaa!!! *___* Oh heavens, how I urged for this day to come…13 long years… it´s still so…so…great that I can´t realize it!XD Maths have always totured me… made me shed tears over tears… messed up my school reports… and annoyed the fricking hell out of me. Now it´s over. So…. FAREWELL!!! >X3~~~~
2.) Same here: No more history and sports lessons for me!! Strike!! I only have to take my oral history exam in May and then I can technically burn all my materials. :3~
That´s one thing I´m really looking forward to…burning and shred all of my unloved school materials, harrharr. I´m urging to see my math notebooks BURN!
Tomorrow will be my…yeah, my very last regular school day. I´m still not able to realize it yet…today I´m really euphoric and all…but I doubt that it will be that way tomorrow afternoon, when it will be all over. At least school was a 13 year lasting habit, it affected nearly my whole life…it will be strange without it. But I don´t want to think about it. Not today. I´m happy right now and don´t want myself to become melancholic and emo again.^^;;
I was quite laborous during the last few days…because I fear that I won´t be able to do ANY time-consuming free time activity once I will start learning for my a-levels. I should have done so already, I knooow…but there were still some things I wanted to finish before concentrating on learning (beside the fact that I´m simply lazy XD).
First of all, I renovated Mey´s and my RPG homepage for our „Götter&Gesocks“ RPG…this was very important for me because…yes, this whole project is very important for me. And letting it´s homepage go to seed would be like giving the whole thing up. Because we were both quite busy since the new year began, Mey and I had to disregard our regular writing to some extent, which is very sad (at least I think so). So I always need something to do with that content, if it´s drawing or to mess around with the homepage, even if it it´s kinda useless sometimes to do all that by myself and for myself. I´m fond of doing that, so I´ll continue creating useless things. :3
In line with the renovation I created a personality test by myself. It features Mey´s and my original characters, but maybe some of the persons who read this blog (brave you are *nods*) still want to take it. :3 The test is called „Which G&G uke are you?“ (the test itself is in German, sorry my foreign friends v_v), so I guess it´s more…for the girls among us. XD (Iri, I bet Fritzi will shoot you if you give him this test…it´s way worse than the seme/uke test. XDD But I´d like to know your result *LOL*)
Have fun. Or not. Whatever. *leaves for watching TV* XD
Mood: unmotivated
Listening to: Samsas Traum – Der Fährmann
Current obsession: a mixture of Photoshop/Samsas Traum/FF8
Nichts wird Dir die Last abnehmen,
Du hast sie als der zu tragen,
Der Du bist, Du hast Dich auf der
Weltenbühne zu verbeugen.
Dies ist deine Rolle, und Du
Kennst die Antwort auf die Fragen,
Denn die Schläge deines Herzens
Sind es, die von Leben zeugen.
Great, this was supposed to be the last weekend in my regular school life….and what do I do on sunday? Wasting my time at a crappy comittee meeting, argh! I really don´t feel like going there, but it seems that I have to…T_T
I spent my time by doing all the things I like yesterday…drawing and coloring pictures, reading a good book, playing FF8, eating and watching stupid casting shows. <3 It was relaxing, even more because my mother was up again and we could sit together for a while and talk. X3
As I said, I read a very good book…it´s called „Am Ende des Schweigens“ (at the end of silence) and written by Charlotte Link, a German author who writes surprisingly British. I like that style…the book is a psychological crime novel, but quite bloody indeed. It´s one of those books that drive you crazy, because the plot is SO tangled and the relationships THAT complicated so you think at some point that there CAN´T be any more unveilings! But of course there are….I really like reading about family tragedies and stuff, I don´t know why…maybe I´m interested in other people´s problems and muddy past. XD Peeping Noi~ Nevertheless, the book was very good, but the end was a bit….disappointing, because the murderer was so…obvious from the beginning. But Mrs. Link fooled us all by putting us off the scent. XD
Oh, and I have a new musical obsession…It´s „Samsas Traum“, a German gothic band. I downloaded the songs „Für immer“ and „Es war einmal“ out of interest and I LOVED them…then I downloaded more and more and…developed a kind of twisted relationship to that band. They amaze and disgust me at the same time. On the one hand, I really like the way they arrange their songs. Melodies, intruments and voices are arranged in a way I adore. But on the other hand, their lyrics are very…hard and disturbing sometimes. I heard the record „Tineoidea – Eine Gothicoper in Blut-Moll“ (Tineoidea – a gothic opera in blood minor) and…wow. That´s really hard stuff. It´s hard to explain what the story of this opera is…it´s kind of a modern, yet surreal version of the genesis, and everything centers the planned murder of Lilith´s unborn child. The protagonists sing about „foetus extermination camps“, where bleeding babies hang from the ceiling and stuff like that…it gives me some good goosebumps when I listen to things like that, but it´s fascinating at the same time, because the contents and words are so unsparing and pitiless.
Fatal fascination? We´ll see. XD At least I have to be a bit careful while listening to lines like „I´ll become a Taliban!“…*cough*COULD be misunderstood if someone doesn´t know the hidden meaning of the lyrics…
Well now, I´ll leave for the abibook meeting…*grumbles* v_v
Mood: whatever~
Listening to: Samsas Traum – Für immer
Current obsession: FF8
Ich sag´ die Welt ist eine Scheibe,
Und ich sag´ sie dreht sich doch!
Sie dreht sich vorwärts, rückwärts, seitwärts,
Immer so wie ich es will!
Und wenn mich Gott nochmal zum Narren hält
Wird er an mir verzweifeln!
Mit dem Rücken an der Wand,
Hebt mir den Spiegel vors Gesicht!
Ich trotz´ dem Himmel und der Hölle,
Trotze Sonne, Mond und Sternen,
Trotze Allem, Nichts und Jedem,
Trotze dem Wind, seinen Gesetzen!
Denn nur wer kämpft mit unverlernter
Zärtlichkeit, der kann verlieren,
Doch wer nicht kämpft hat schon verloren;
Und für den Kampf bin ich geboren!
What. a. Week. And it´s finally over. I wrote my VERY last regular exam on friday, held two speeches and fought with my flu. I´m tired now, really really tired. And even though I should be happy that everything went very well I feel a certain indifference…like a marathon runner who just wants to pass the target line and doesn´t matter if he wins or not. And Furthermore, I´m a bit angry and annoyed…almost all the time. Like a ticking bomb, ready to explode. But I never do. I´m just too damn tired of…all this.
Yesterday, it was a big relief for me to hear that I won´t get less than 5 grade points in biology. This bugged me very hard over the week, because if I would have been given less than 5 points, I could have forgotten my a-level admission.
As it seems I won´t be able to prevent my sports teacher from giving me less than 5 points…that´s more than ridiculous, but I can´t change it. I will meet my three ladies tomorrow and try my best to dance my feet off, even though my health is more than tattered.
Wasn´t able to sleep the last two nights…*yawn*
Lemme talk about something more enchanting and less interesting. Final Fantasy 8. Because I had lots of free time today I was able to play ff8 for about…4 or 5 hours in a row. I still think it´s the worst of all ff parts, but since Final Fantasy in general is GODLIKE, you can have some good fun with ff8, too. At least it´s SO nostalgic. The last time I finished playing it was…about three or four years ago I think. Now I see some things in an entirely changed view. For example, I hate Rinoa EVEN MORE now, because I see very clearly that she is the incarnation of every Mary-Sue you can think of. Really. x_X I mean, look at her, her dog´s name is ANGEL! And it´s a COLLIE!!
But what I appreciate about FF8 is that the Guardian Forces/Bestias/Summons are extremely cool. Okay, there are some silly things like the „Bull Brothers“ (whose attack is named „mad cow disease“), but even they have something going for it. XD And Diabolos is simply the coolest monster you´ve ever seen!x__X (Meychen, he would be the perfect pet for Vayle, I swear XDD They share the same attitude and colors)
I just finished the first CD…dunno when I´ll be able to go on, because tomorrow I´ll be quite busy.*sigh*
And I want FF12 SO BADLY!! T___T~~~!! But it was sold out in every shop I was asking for it…*cries* Must be a good game…no wonder, it´s Final Fantasy!XD
Oh, and before I go to bed, one more thing…because my crappy weblog won´t allow me to write comments myself. Dear Meiko:
I´m glad you could amuse yourself by reading my earnest entries. Must be an even more humourous person than I have ever thought, and I bet you would laugh your ass off if you actually had a single clue about what I was writing. Well, but maybe not – Personally, if I were you, I would be thoroughly ashamed.
I won´t say anymore about this. If you want to talk about this someday in the future AGAIN then think about what you want to say before letting it all out. I´m deeply disappointed.
So, now I´ll stop it here…*tired* Need some more tissues and my bed after the dsds results…XDD
Mood: relaxed…kinda.
Listening to: Sylver – Turn the Tide
Current obsession: whatever
You have the bravest heart
The strongest emotions
After all the harm I’ve caused
You still want my lovin‘
I can’t believe
I still receive
So much affection from your side
If you could give me one more chance
I’d love to turn the tide
Fourth day of my illness and it´s getting better. Finally. My nose looks like a damn red balloon and even my hips start to hurt again because of the nose blowing, argh…I don´t want to look in the mirror, really.
Nontheless, I went to school yesterday and today to write my exams…same will be on friday. Today I took my VERY last German exam, YAY!!! No more boring lessons and no more need to look in that bitch-teacher´s face. I could start sobbing now, harr.
Well, because it got a real raw deal in here lately and I have the strong urge to write my feelings down somehow…I´ll talk a bit about what happened lately.
As I already said shortly in one of my last entries, I got a positive answer from the person I sent my reconciliation request to. Plus, I got a positive answer from the third person, Terry, who offered me her friendship.
I mean, that….everything went on so fast. I´m really, really happy to have Stefanie back and I met Terry and found out that she, too, is VERY nice and I already like her a lot. That makes it far more easier, but at the same time, there is still this mean little thorn in my thoughts. I don´t really thing that it can make like „BOOM!“ and everything is the same as before. Saying „I love you“ has a different meaning now and it still hurts a bit. Sometimes I wonder if I´m performing a play or something. A play that good that I myself don´t recognize that it IS a play after all.
Wanting to pay my part of the dues, no matter what.
I guess these doubts will be getting better after a certain period of time…but right now, everything is just so new and confusing.
But, no matter if it is a play…it is due to my honest wish to end this chapter and begin a new, better one.
Even more since I found a really, REALLY cute artwork today while I was searching something completely different…I got this from you-know-who in 2005, it´s my all time favorite gift I got from Stefanie, even though it´s a bit sad…I thought I could scan it, so it won´t get lost again. Here it is … the two were story characters of us. To set the record straight…mine is the boy on the left. *lol*The scan is terribly bad, but yet I love it.
Well…what else…my dad came home from the hospital today, but he´s not feeling very well at the moment…no wonder. But he´s already good in complaining and screaming around again. XD
Mood: encouraged, yay!
Listening to: Take That – Patience (don´t say a word, the song is LOVE!XD)
Current obsession: NO MORE MATHS!!!
Cause I need time.
My heart is numb, has no feeling.
So while I’m still healing,
Just try and have a little patience.
I really wanna start over again,
I know you wanna be my salvation.
The one that I can always depend.
I’ll try to be strong. Believe me,
I’m trying to move on,
It’s complicated but understand me.
This day was…one of the nuttiest I´ve had for a long time. Highs and lows one after another…omg, who can handle that without getting all dizzy?!
The day started verrrry good…BECAUSE!!! I got my last regular English exam back…and guess what my grade is??Well??Well?? 15 points.*faints* I mean, I´d…never expected something like THAT! o_O;; But I´m really happy…and kinda proud. My parents were all surprised and happy and didn´t even quarrel at the table as always. :3
Next breakdown: Last maths exam. I´ve really learned hard for that one, but when I saw the exam…I just knew that it would be disastrous. XD But I wasn´t the first one to give it up…I kept up until the second lesson began…then I handed my exam ( one page) in and left the room…at first I felt frustrated…but then…it was such a light and relieved feeling that I couldn´t help but cheer up. It´s the last maths exam in my LIFE, after all!!!^___^!!
Sports after it…ugh. Don´t wanna comment on it. XD We had to dance a choreography in pairs, which the teacher wanted to rate. Iri and me…well, we did way better in training, let me put it in this way.XD Most of it was my fault, because I´m just too stupid for it.^^;;; But, oh well…who cares about sports?
This morning I sent off the complete important letter I was talking about recently…as I said, I bit the bullet and was as honest as I can be…now it´s time to wait again…a terrible feeling. But I won´t be able to concentrate on anything else until I´ve finished this issue.
Bweh, I still have to learn for a vocabulary test tomorrow…=.=
Mood: annoyed
Listening to: Alanis Morissette – Narcissus
Current obsession: The upcoming (great) time after my last maths exam
And any talk of healthiness
And any talk of connectedness.
..one day…one more day and I´ll be finally relieved. x__X 13 years of pain will be finally over…no more mathematics!!!! (okay, the last lessons…but I´m not counting these since I will be drifting away as always XD) But until I can relax I have to write one more exam on monday…arrrgh…Therefore I was at Iri´s place today in the hope that she could make a genius out of me…*cough* Let us say…I have the same feeling as always. XDD But know what? To be honest…I´m like „Whatever, get the shit away from me finally“…it´s a bit frustrating, but why should maths give me good feeling at the end?XD
Because she asked me to, I have created a blog for my little Iri. :3 She seems to like it, so I´m happy…I´ll link it here soon…and on that occasion I´ll fix the broken links, gweh…v_v
What else can I talk about…oh yeees, the posters I had ordered arrived this morning!!<3<3 They are even better than I imagined them. X3 I ordered the posters from a print office in the net and I gave them two really cool Death Note motives for printing. <3 It´s THIS ONE and THIS. X3~ I bet I won´t be able to sleep properly for the next few days…the big L is hangig right over my head. XD
*yawn* Time for bed…