Anger Management, Privates & Alltag

Rollercoaster Days

: craptastic
Listening to: 2raumwohnung – Sie kann fliegen
Current obsession: writing applications

Sie kann fliegen – weiter als sie gehen kann.
Höher und höher, doch das runterkommen…
das ist hart.

There are some days you just want to strike off the calender. The last two days were like that in my eyes, a row of punches, hope, kicks, hope again and the famous oncoming train at last. I feel kinda lost and forsaken by now, but maybe it´s just my melodramatic mood. Whatever, it´s not the best feeling and I hate feeling like that after everything went so good within the last weeks.

Well, yes, I kinda lost the job I just got last month by now, because there are not enough students to employ me. I can´t change it, but it´s just another of those goddamn injustices in life. Have to handle it and get another job.
Anyway, after I had wept my eyes out last evening and night about that whole situation I got up this morning and fell into some kind of…delusion. I packed my things, dressed myself in girly and nice clothes (blue jeans, girly shirt, boots, silvery eye-shadow, you name it.) and went to the city center to find a job. Any job. I just felt worthless and miserable in every minute that I thought of the fact that I had lost another job. Not just because of the money. There must be some kinds of pestering demons in my head that make think something like that – me the one who has practically no ambition at all. I think, the word describing that feeling is „invisible pressure“.
Whatever, so I went to the city and spent alsmost 4 hours by walking through the streets and the stores, asking for work, noting names and photographing ads in the windows.
I spent the last hour by typing work applications for several stores and restaurants, the standard things, you know. I guess I can´t be picky anymore. I will send them away by tomorrw, and god knows what it´ll do. Tomorrow I will be sending another bunch of applications – then everything else will be luck.
Oddly enough, I don´t feel half as content as I should be. To be honest, at the moment I feel almost as bad as yesterday. Maybe the reasons contain a bit more than job depression. Yes, they definitely do.

Chaotic, just chaotic. But I´m not emo, thank you. I´m just a bit down at the moment. Things will be better….next week, hopefully. Does anyone know when the sun will come out again?

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