Bücher, Music, Privates & Alltag

Believe it or not

Mood: painstaking
Listening to: Ich+Ich – Stark
Current obsession: writing job applications

Ich bin nicht der, der ich sein will und will nicht sein, wer ich bin
Mein Leben ist das Chaos, schau mal genauer hin.
Und du glaubst, ich bin stark und ich kenne den Weg
Du bildest dir ein, ich weiß wie alles geht
Du denkst ich hab alles im Griff und kontrollier, was geschieht.

Ich bin dauernd auf der Suche und weiß nicht mehr wonach
Ich zieh Nächte lang durch Bars, immer der, der am lautesten lacht
Niemand sieht mir an, wie verwirrt ich wirklich bin
Ist alles nur Fassade, schau mal genauer hin.

Yeah, believe it or not, I finally managed to get a new layout for my blog done, since I had some problems with my first try and had waited uselessly for help during the last day. I really like the warm colors since Autumn has finally reached my hometown. I also updated the links section, primarily for me, cause it´s nice to have access to all the important places from one page. <3

Hm, it´s quite long ago since I wrote my last entry, and lots of things happened. These are not easy times for me and I´m currently in a phase that makes me wonder about my situation, the future and myself. Managing a life all my oneself is not that easy and sometimes I have the feeling that I just can´t fulfil all the expectations set in me…expectations from me in myself included. I´ve always been known as the one who always knows what to do and acting after objective thoughts… but sometimes I´m just sitting around and simply don´t know what to do, because there are walls I can´t overcome. And I´m feeling terrible lonely with those thoughts.
Yeah, oh well… senseless babbling…

My father has been operated last monday… the surgical procedure was very, very hard and I´m very happy that my mother only told me about it in the evening. You know… it´s a bit of a shock to hear that your father almost had a cardiac infarction during the operation because the doctors couldn´t handle his high blood pressure. Thank god or whoever that he survived that strain.
He´s still very weak and can´t walk or sit properly and often has circuit breakdowns every now and then, but he can already complain about the bad food and the incompetent hospital staff. *lol* In one week or so he will directly leave for his rehab in Bad Bevensen. It´s a funny feeling to not have him here for so many weeks…I´m all alone on the 2nd floor, nobody to shout at me for being up late in the night, nobody to quarrel with. I should be glad, but I´ll be eben more happy when he´ll finally be at home again.

Since the employment center and my health fund work so slowly it hurts, I decided to search for a job by myself. I already found plenty of interesting job offers and spent the whole week by writing applications. I even went to the city and had some pictures made, walked to the town hall… I really hope the whole thing is worth the effort I put in.*lol* Will keep my fingers crossed and wait for some positive answers. Damn, I need the money so badly since I´m not giving extra lessons that regularyly anymore and my mother can´t help me out…
Oh, yes, and I even started a carreer as an ebay-seller. XD Found some old thingies I could get some money for… $_$!

New musical obsession: Ich+Ich. <3 I downloaded the album just because I wanted to have the „vom selben Stern“ single, but I got to love all the other songs as well. Ich+Ich write just beautiful lyrics, some of them almost made me cry because I can  partly identfy with them very strongly. „Stark“ has become my new favorite song, because it means a lot to me and it reminds me of a few things. But I also love „Schütze mich“ (sounds like a prayer), „Trösten“ (just my thoughts) and „Mach dein Licht an“ (very hopeful song). <3

Hmm…what else…I´ll go to Hamburg with Mina and another friend next Thursday. <3 That´s the reason I have to keep my financials together. >_<~

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